Key takeaways
- “Talking” means getting to know each other, “dating” means seeing each other on purpose, and a relationship means you've both agreed to it.
- There's no right day to ask, but many daters settle it within three months.
- Ask in person: say what you want first, then ask what they want.
- A vague answer after months is an answer, and most daters in one survey said they'd walk away.
Get the app
Try ALTER, discreetly.
- Live-selfie verified members
- Photos blurred until you allow it
- Messages vanish within the hour
Free to download. 18+ only.
Are we talking, dating or in a relationship?
The trouble is that two people can be at different stages without knowing it, which is why the conversation matters. If it's been undefined for a long time, it may be a situationship.
| Stage | What it usually means |
|---|---|
| Talking | Chatting, maybe meeting, deciding whether you like each other. No expectations. |
| Dating | Seeing each other on purpose and regularly. Exclusivity not yet agreed. |
| Exclusive | Not seeing anyone else, by agreement. |
| Relationship | You've agreed you're together: boyfriend, girlfriend, partner. |
How long should you wait before asking “what are we”?
There's no correct number of dates. What surveys show is that many people don't wait long. In a QuackQuack survey of nearly 9,600 users aged 18 to 35, published in April 2025, about 34% of those aged 27 to 35 said they usually commit or part ways by the end of the third month, and 9% defined the relationship within two weeks of matching.
A better guide than the calendar: you've seen each other regularly, you know you want more, and not knowing has started to bother you.
How do you ask someone to be your girlfriend or boyfriend?
Saying what you want first, in plain words, takes the guesswork away for both of you.
- Pick a calm moment, in person or on a call, not a late-night text.
- Start with what you want: “I really like spending time with you, and I'm not seeing anyone else. I'd like us to be exclusive.”
- Then ask what they want, and listen.
- Keep it simple. You don't need a speech or a grand gesture.
- If they need time, give them a few days, not months.
What if they say they're not ready?
Take it at face value. “I'm not ready” after a few weeks may be honest caution; after many months, it usually means they don't want what you want. In a QuackQuack survey of 9,748 daters aged 18 to 28, published in April 2026, 8 in 10 said they walk away if a connection stays stuck in a vague “figuring out” phase for too long.
Daters also want clearer intentions earlier. Tinder's 2022 Year in Swipe reported a 49% rise in members adding their relationship intentions to their profiles. The dating words you'll hear along the way.